It's been almost five years since he left this world. FIVE years!!! How can that be ??? I didn't think I could breathe without him much less live five years without him. Yet here I am, still breathing, living and doing this work that I believe God has called me to do at this time. For the most part I go about my days, thankful for this life, the opportunity to help others, and grateful for all the blessings God has given us. Even in the loss of two beautiful children, for they were gifts from God, given by Him and now living with Him eternally. How can one be sad when they know their loved one lives with God? How WONDERFUL!!!! But still...in our human condition we certainly feel sadness when a loved one leaves this world. Yesterday I began to feel the deep, heavy sadness start to come over me as we headed to the lake for the first time this season. Tristan loved being at the lake and we have beautiful memories of lake days, time on the boat and having fun as a family. It's always hard at first when we get there but then I settle in, grateful to be at that place he loved, where our kids were happy and we were carefree. However, this June it will be five years since he left us and I am starting to feel the weight of it. So last night before bed I asked Tristan, Drue, my spirit guides, angels, archangels, God - any spirits that support my greater good - to come to me. I've been told that we need to 'invite' our loved ones and spirit guides to come near and join us if we want to engage with them. And I've done this before and have received what I thought were signs, answers to my requests. After making the ask I fell into a blissful sleep, mostly undisturbed except to wake around midnight to check on the whereabouts of our other sons. But then at 3:45, a typical occurrence for me, I awoke, for no particular reason. This is a normal time for people to briefly wake up and I usually go right back to sleep. But last night, after being awake for only a moment, I heard it. The owl. Right outside our bedroom window. I haven't heard him in so long and figured he moved away to another location. We have a long history with owls in our backyard. The owl has made several appearances since Tristan left us but it has been awhile. But last night he came, and hooted, five times. He was so close !! Five distinct hoots. Five years. Our owl, showing up after a long time of being away, only hours after I asked spirit for a connection. Yes, I know it seems crazy, but these 'signs' that I think I receive show up in ways that are clearly connected to what I am thinking about or asking for. They aren't random occurrences. Maybe they aren't really 'signs from spirit', but I receive the messages I either need or feel I am supposed to receive. Last night I only asked for a connection. What I got was a visit from a familiar friend with a message, five hoots. Five years. To me it is a reminder that he IS still here with me, even after these five years. Mr. Owl came and spoke what my mama heart needed to hear. So as the deep sadness washes over me as we edge closer to June 18th I will try to carry Mr. Owl's message with me and remind myself that even though I cannot see my son, either of my son's, in their physical form, that they are still here with us in spirit. And for me, if only for today, that is enough.
Just a mom who lost her son trying to save the world one conversation at a time