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The Struggle

Updated: Feb 20

Yes, the Struggle IS REAL.

Because you have found your way to this site and my first blog I will assume you have struggled. Perhaps like me, you loved, and lost, an addict. Or maybe you are the addict. But whatever has happened, you are still here, so you are brave. And yes, you may also be brokenhearted, but you are brave.


I have ave four children; two here on earth and two in heaven.

Drue, who was Jake’s twin, died four days after birth of a genetic heart defect. He was perfect when he was born, on the outside. But inside his heart was underdeveloped and could not sustain life. He struggled. As I held him to feed him, read to him, and soothe him when it was his time to go, Drue looked sad and hurt. He was struggling to live. And yes, struggling to die. His life was so short. And I was broken-hearted. BuT I had to be brave because I had his new born brother, Jake, and older brother, Tristan, to care for. We all struggled during that time.


Tristan struggled for years with Drue’s death. When he was 11or 12 years old I sat him down for “the talk”. But at then of the long explanation about puberty, sex and reproduction, Tristan just wanted to know why his brother died. And he cried.


When he was in high school Tristan began using marijuana, and then Adderall. We took him to counseling and grounded him and tried to reason with him. He grew older and the drug use worsened. Tristan became addicted. He struggled to stay clean, to keep a job and relationships. He could not stay in school or do the active things he had once loved to do. He fell, over and over. he did manage to help a friend, encourage him to go to treatment. Tristan encouraged his friend to be brave. But he could not do the same himself. He continued to use, and he died. And again, I am broken-hearted.

After Tristan died I found a recent drawing in one of his notebooks. It was a tree trunk, with roots splayed at the base. Drue’s name was written there, attached to the roots. And I knew, he had always struggled, to,accept that loss and to understand why. And then to accept and understand the other inevitable losses that followed....his parents’ divorce, the desth of a beloved grandmother, a move from his home state. He was brave, but he must have been broken-hearted.


Life is hard. This world we live in is tough, and it can be a struggle much of the time. And yes, we will all fall at some point. But take heart, and be brave. Have faith. God gave us this life, with all of its highs and lows, struggles and triumphs. We came here to learn lessons, and to teach others. We came to experience love, yet we also experience fear. But we experience joy. And God gives us strength. And He carries us when we fall. And our broken hearts heal.


Yes, the struggle IS REAL, but so is the joy. Be brave, move forward, and have faith.

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